Ties That Bind in a Wireless Universe
I am in Sydney Airport, waiting for my flight. It's amazing that I can blog on my laptop, sitting in an airport, this corner of the world. It's even more amazing that I can see, on the right side of my monitor, who's online or not, available or a chat or not. Wireless Fidelity has changed everything.
Being able to type messages, express emoticons, even chat with voice, across the oceans and hills by sending wireless signals from laptop to wireless card to server to bigger server to satellite, then in reverse order back to another computer gazillions of miles away. Invisible strings, pulling all of us closer and closer in this hypertechnical connectivity.
Can't help but think there's a strange yet sad symmetry in the following scenario:
Sitting in my parents' house in NSW Australia. Chatting with my sister in Melbourne - on MSN. Chatting with J in singapore - on MSN. About my mother, 2 meters away from me. About my grandfather, 7 hours flight away from me. Reading emails on my blackberry sent from the US, HK and Japan.
Yet I can't tell my mother what I really think about her. I can't tell her that she drives me crazy when she puts me on a spot in front of her friends. I can't convince her to leave me alone to my own decisions about my life, whether to do with religion, love, health, career, or children. I can't stop her from telling me over and over again that seaweed pills are good for me. I can't tell her, when she spends my money for my own good, that it drives me berserk. Can't make her understand that a charitable donation of A$300 is MINE to make, not hers.
Yet I don't seem to be able to say no, to rebuff her in front her friends, in front my dad, when it is so clear she is saying and doing these things out of good intentions and love for me. I struggle inside with the words to diplomatically have my own way, to disagree without disrespect. But when I see how eagerly she looks to me to follow on with her promises, when her friends and her relatives watch expectantly for me to act on what she said, I am torn. I feel myself having to bite my tongue and stop the instinctive protest, because if the words that I really wanted to say, left my mouth, there would have been no going back and the rift that exists today would be rendered broken forever.
So I acquiesce, and what she wants done is done. I pay for it - she conveniently points out that a credit card machine is available.
The plastic card is swiped, a digital stream of data tells my credit card company to take a piece of my self-definition and the independence that I fiercely protect. Wirelessly, a small piece of me just went to make my mother feel better about her daughter.
Or at least, I hope. I never know if this is a good step towards building a better understanding between us, or does it just encourage the same pattern of behaviour where I would feel that conflict of trying to preserve my independence and yet preserve her tender feelings at the same time.
I have a feeling it will be a futile resistance. There are too many years of unsaid words, too many instances of misunderstanding and too broad of a generation gap to overcome with one swipe of a credit card.
So I continue to spew my thoughts on this infernal struggle to a wireless universe, whether it's through this blog or through MSN to J or on my berry to my sister - I am counting on my wireless connections to help me deal with the ties that bind me.
Being able to type messages, express emoticons, even chat with voice, across the oceans and hills by sending wireless signals from laptop to wireless card to server to bigger server to satellite, then in reverse order back to another computer gazillions of miles away. Invisible strings, pulling all of us closer and closer in this hypertechnical connectivity.
Can't help but think there's a strange yet sad symmetry in the following scenario:
Sitting in my parents' house in NSW Australia. Chatting with my sister in Melbourne - on MSN. Chatting with J in singapore - on MSN. About my mother, 2 meters away from me. About my grandfather, 7 hours flight away from me. Reading emails on my blackberry sent from the US, HK and Japan.
Yet I can't tell my mother what I really think about her. I can't tell her that she drives me crazy when she puts me on a spot in front of her friends. I can't convince her to leave me alone to my own decisions about my life, whether to do with religion, love, health, career, or children. I can't stop her from telling me over and over again that seaweed pills are good for me. I can't tell her, when she spends my money for my own good, that it drives me berserk. Can't make her understand that a charitable donation of A$300 is MINE to make, not hers.
Yet I don't seem to be able to say no, to rebuff her in front her friends, in front my dad, when it is so clear she is saying and doing these things out of good intentions and love for me. I struggle inside with the words to diplomatically have my own way, to disagree without disrespect. But when I see how eagerly she looks to me to follow on with her promises, when her friends and her relatives watch expectantly for me to act on what she said, I am torn. I feel myself having to bite my tongue and stop the instinctive protest, because if the words that I really wanted to say, left my mouth, there would have been no going back and the rift that exists today would be rendered broken forever.
So I acquiesce, and what she wants done is done. I pay for it - she conveniently points out that a credit card machine is available.
The plastic card is swiped, a digital stream of data tells my credit card company to take a piece of my self-definition and the independence that I fiercely protect. Wirelessly, a small piece of me just went to make my mother feel better about her daughter.
Or at least, I hope. I never know if this is a good step towards building a better understanding between us, or does it just encourage the same pattern of behaviour where I would feel that conflict of trying to preserve my independence and yet preserve her tender feelings at the same time.
I have a feeling it will be a futile resistance. There are too many years of unsaid words, too many instances of misunderstanding and too broad of a generation gap to overcome with one swipe of a credit card.
So I continue to spew my thoughts on this infernal struggle to a wireless universe, whether it's through this blog or through MSN to J or on my berry to my sister - I am counting on my wireless connections to help me deal with the ties that bind me.
posted by tygertyger at 12:44 PM
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