Confinement Diaries Week 2: On Breasts and Nannies

Oh get over yourselves - the reality is nowhere as titillating as the title (pun intended)

I once suggested to help a friend with a project while I was on maternity leave. "I'll be stuck at home anyway," I said blithely.

Her response was pointed. "Don't try and be hero lah, the 1st month you are nothing more than a cow either with real breasts or bottled milk, you'll be so tired you'll just be walking around the house like a zombie in your pyjamas, everything will be about the baby and you won't be able to think more than 1 week at a time. Puh-leese." (She was also the one that suggested I take stock 1 week at a time and don't look further than that - great advice - or I'll be insane by now.)

In week 2, must say her description wasn't that far off from the truth. I wanted to breastfeed Layla exclusively based on all the health recommendation theory.  Little did I know breastfeeding has become so much more than a form of sustenance - in some circles it has been elevated to the status of 'liquid gold', in others it is an indication of how much perserverance you have as a mother. It is entirely possible breasts sag over time from this additional 'burden of expectation'...

Despite my best intentions, my attempt at total breastfeeding in the 1st week has resulted in Layla dropping almost 20% in weight since birth, lack of bowel movement and slight dehydration. My lack of sleep probably didn't help milk production either.
I am now grappling with the appropriate combination of nursing, expressing into bottle, formula supplements and getting enough rest.

But what an emotional decision to change the feeding approach. What guilt! Such angst over my breastmilk production, and whether I am an adequate mother. So so so tired. Trying to stay upbeat when the baby is crying at every turn. Told by all corners (including peds doctor) that I'm not producing enough milk. Each side of the breastfeeding debate debunking myths from the other side. Torn between scientific evidence and prevailing collective wisdom from other mothers. 

In this part of the world, the motherly wisdom is also meant to come from Confinement Nannies.  For 1 month, new mothers post partum are under the care of women who are supposedly well-versed in the art/science of recovering from childbirth in a way that preserves the woman's long term health. A combination of folklore, holistic and traditional medicine, and motherly help with baby, confinement nannies are a cottage industry. In Singapore it has gotten to the levels of placement agencies, user contracts, work permits, etc.  Going rate is in the region of S$2000 for 4 weeks (+/- for quality, live-in vs. not, experience, etc.)

Our nanny is mediocre - she has a lot to say about what to do or not do post childbirth. What she says is not always in sync with what my mother says, which makes for some very confusing instructions. I rather go with my mum on the side of caution, but I am still unsure about the purported "long-term effects" of drinking a cold drink, not wearing slippers on tiled floors, taking regular showers, or - gasp - heaven forbid I eat/drink while standing up.  For as many people that tell me this is hokum, there are just as many that I know who blame their elderly ailments on lack of compliance with confinement instructions. Do I want to wait 20 years to find out? 

In the meantime, I'm straddling the comfort/confinement spectrum by negotiating for small bonuses like... daily baths provided I use herb-infused hot water (it's not aromatherapy.. or rather, not nice aromas), wearing a tank top around the house but agreeing to only take warm/hot food/drink, etc.  

In the end, Layla is doing what babies do (I think) - eat, cry, sleep, poop, pee, cry, eat, sleep - and not in that order. It really doesn't matter to her when complications abound about confinement, breastfeeding, etc. - she gets a clean nappy and plenty of cuddles, she smiles at mummy and daddy and we're all just in bits over her. 

Shout out to Daddy who has done more than anyone can expect while juggling seriously tight work deadlines - there are too many that underestimate the importance of Daddy-hood when it comes to taking care of EVERYTHING ELSE. More on that in week 3. 

Affirmations for week 2: Layla is pooping well, fussing more as she is growing faster, she loves her rocker from Grandpa, Daddy is getting lots of work, Mummy is recovering well from c-section.