Cambodia Dispatch III: Phalli's Day From Hell
My name is Phalli, I am one of the many registered tour guides in Siem Reap. Today I went to Monoreach Hotel on Airport Route 6 to pick up 2 visitors from Singapore, both on my package roster.
The day started oddly... they went out to find the driver when I was waiting for them in the lobby. When I caught up with them, one wanted to smoke a cigarette before getting in, while the other is still munching on breakfast toast slathered with something that looked radioactive red. Strange girls, these.
Little did I know what I was in for.
Although we set off with the prerequisite small talk in the car, when we got to the South Gate of Angkor Wat I realized we had past the first picture point... and we walked backwards to it. The thin one in the tank top was interesting to talk to, she was quite cute I thought. The other with the glasses and the bandanna was all over the place - snapping the oddest things like an Apsara Authority security guard having a smoke, original carvings instead of ruins, sometimes almost sprawling on the dirt to get a shot of the right light on the moat. Puh-leese, I see hundreds of these a month, if not more. Everyday I say the same damn thing to the same goggle-eyed tourists about the same archeological wonder, no need to get all excited showing me the oh-so-wonderful shot you took on your oh-so-advanced digital camera.
We stopped at Phineakas - where the top of the pagoda provided a good view of the surroundings, if these foreigners can stand the heat. The skinny one wanted to go up the safe way... with handrails and so on. The stocky one went up the steep way - climbing with hands and feet and went up like a monkey, cheered on by fat German tourists who were seated on plastic chairs, admiring the view. Why she chose the difficult route I don't know. I have a feeling that stocky one is trouble already... she has a tendency to wander off and take pictures while I'm reciting my archeological fact speech. Maybe she has a Lonely Planet and read it already.
As expected, the stocky one caused trouble instead. At the Royal Baths, I was talking to the skinny one (maybe I'll get a shot at something in Singapore) when Stocky wandered off to other side of the Female Bath and said she'll meet me somewhere. I said to meet at the South Gate.. Skinny and I continued to chat, and then she disappeared! We peered hard at the water... I hope Stocky knows how to swim, there are water snakes and leeches in that water. Oh god I can't deal with it if people were to find out I lost one of the two tourists I was guiding... that's a 50% loss rate, destroys my reputation for sure. Did she drown? We showed pics taken of her to local kids - have you seen this gal. Skinny was just laughing... does she know my career is at stake?! She said Stocky can swim well, but who knows what those leeches could have done to her foreign blood and anyway, if she gets wet from the Bath and complains to the agency... oh god better find her quick.
We went to the South Gate, and waited and waited. I started to panic - called the home office for Hong Kong country code so I could try her mobile. Then Skinny gets an SMS, says she's at the Elephant Terrace. We walk to the top - and no sign of her. Skinny calls her... and we hear Stocky's voice floating up from the dry grass... oh for god's sake, these tourists. Someone better tie a leash to the Stocky one.
The rest of the day was more of the same. I said to them meet me at the bottom of Angkor Wat at 4.30 pm, they show up at 5 pm. All flushed and thrilled and adrenalin-driven because Stocky talked Skinny into clambering down the steep steps without the benefit of a handrail... apparently a first for Skinny.
Then after Phnom Bakheng's sunset shots, which as expected they were also 30 minutes late in coming back, those two decided to buy souvenirs from street kids. No matter that these kids were talking to them at Angkor and gave each of them a bracelet and made paper cranes and paper boats and chatted for 2 hours, it's late, I'm fedup with these 2 and my dinner is waiting at home.
Then the Skinny one crosses the road, I yelled "One Second!!" as there was oncoming traffic from the other direction, but she still didn't listen - WOOSH and a van swipes by her leaving barely 2 inches to spare between skin and metal. Stocky was standing by the road in shock, her mouthful of bottled green tea unswallowed for fear of choking. Skinny was all jumpy from her recent brush with death, the guys that were waiting for tuk-tuk passengers all started calling out "How lucky she is!!" She should head to a monk tomorrow to get herself blessed - at a close brush like that, Good Luck is coming (cos it was a CLOSE BRUSH as opposed to TRAGIC TOURIST ACCIDENT) and Bad Luck must be chased away. Stocky said it had to be done or no way was she getting on a plane with her.
I can't take it. These two could bloody well end my career. As we sit in rush hour traffic in Siem Reap, leading from Angkore Wat, I couldn't wait to drop them off. Even if Skinny is cute and Stocky has a weird sense of humor and clambers up pagodas like the best of them, NEVER again. I'd rather host a group of Americans.
The day started oddly... they went out to find the driver when I was waiting for them in the lobby. When I caught up with them, one wanted to smoke a cigarette before getting in, while the other is still munching on breakfast toast slathered with something that looked radioactive red. Strange girls, these.
Little did I know what I was in for.
Although we set off with the prerequisite small talk in the car, when we got to the South Gate of Angkor Wat I realized we had past the first picture point... and we walked backwards to it. The thin one in the tank top was interesting to talk to, she was quite cute I thought. The other with the glasses and the bandanna was all over the place - snapping the oddest things like an Apsara Authority security guard having a smoke, original carvings instead of ruins, sometimes almost sprawling on the dirt to get a shot of the right light on the moat. Puh-leese, I see hundreds of these a month, if not more. Everyday I say the same damn thing to the same goggle-eyed tourists about the same archeological wonder, no need to get all excited showing me the oh-so-wonderful shot you took on your oh-so-advanced digital camera.
We stopped at Phineakas - where the top of the pagoda provided a good view of the surroundings, if these foreigners can stand the heat. The skinny one wanted to go up the safe way... with handrails and so on. The stocky one went up the steep way - climbing with hands and feet and went up like a monkey, cheered on by fat German tourists who were seated on plastic chairs, admiring the view. Why she chose the difficult route I don't know. I have a feeling that stocky one is trouble already... she has a tendency to wander off and take pictures while I'm reciting my archeological fact speech. Maybe she has a Lonely Planet and read it already.
As expected, the stocky one caused trouble instead. At the Royal Baths, I was talking to the skinny one (maybe I'll get a shot at something in Singapore) when Stocky wandered off to other side of the Female Bath and said she'll meet me somewhere. I said to meet at the South Gate.. Skinny and I continued to chat, and then she disappeared! We peered hard at the water... I hope Stocky knows how to swim, there are water snakes and leeches in that water. Oh god I can't deal with it if people were to find out I lost one of the two tourists I was guiding... that's a 50% loss rate, destroys my reputation for sure. Did she drown? We showed pics taken of her to local kids - have you seen this gal. Skinny was just laughing... does she know my career is at stake?! She said Stocky can swim well, but who knows what those leeches could have done to her foreign blood and anyway, if she gets wet from the Bath and complains to the agency... oh god better find her quick.
We went to the South Gate, and waited and waited. I started to panic - called the home office for Hong Kong country code so I could try her mobile. Then Skinny gets an SMS, says she's at the Elephant Terrace. We walk to the top - and no sign of her. Skinny calls her... and we hear Stocky's voice floating up from the dry grass... oh for god's sake, these tourists. Someone better tie a leash to the Stocky one.
The rest of the day was more of the same. I said to them meet me at the bottom of Angkor Wat at 4.30 pm, they show up at 5 pm. All flushed and thrilled and adrenalin-driven because Stocky talked Skinny into clambering down the steep steps without the benefit of a handrail... apparently a first for Skinny.
Then after Phnom Bakheng's sunset shots, which as expected they were also 30 minutes late in coming back, those two decided to buy souvenirs from street kids. No matter that these kids were talking to them at Angkor and gave each of them a bracelet and made paper cranes and paper boats and chatted for 2 hours, it's late, I'm fedup with these 2 and my dinner is waiting at home.
Then the Skinny one crosses the road, I yelled "One Second!!" as there was oncoming traffic from the other direction, but she still didn't listen - WOOSH and a van swipes by her leaving barely 2 inches to spare between skin and metal. Stocky was standing by the road in shock, her mouthful of bottled green tea unswallowed for fear of choking. Skinny was all jumpy from her recent brush with death, the guys that were waiting for tuk-tuk passengers all started calling out "How lucky she is!!" She should head to a monk tomorrow to get herself blessed - at a close brush like that, Good Luck is coming (cos it was a CLOSE BRUSH as opposed to TRAGIC TOURIST ACCIDENT) and Bad Luck must be chased away. Stocky said it had to be done or no way was she getting on a plane with her.
I can't take it. These two could bloody well end my career. As we sit in rush hour traffic in Siem Reap, leading from Angkore Wat, I couldn't wait to drop them off. Even if Skinny is cute and Stocky has a weird sense of humor and clambers up pagodas like the best of them, NEVER again. I'd rather host a group of Americans.
posted by tygertyger at 7:55 PM
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